Take Fifty
by Aspen-SiredBySpike
Summary: A oneshot series in which the Twilight characters find themselves working their way through movie plots. All human.
1. Fan Of The Piano Man

**Important A/N: So I was stupid for thinking I could stay away from writing another series. They're addicting. This series will be about movies! Yay! Also, everyone will be human. Just a twist I though I'd try. Yes, I will be taking requests, but I will ask you to refrain from requesting animated movies. I don't know why, but I want to stay away from them.**

**Warning: I have no idea when this will be updated. I am currently working on 2 more WIPs as most of you know, "Audio Life" for Twilight and "Big Casino Magic" for CSI: Las Vegas. As well, I'm trying to increase my fic amount for "City Of Bones" and "City Of Ashes". Check them out if you know the fandoms, if you don't, please be patient.**

**Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: SwimFan**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Fan Of The Piano Man**

_ClassicalFan98: _Hello Edward.

_PianoMan: _Who is this?

_ClassicalFan98: _Remember last Friday night?

_PianoMan: _What are you talking about?

_ClassicalFan98: _You do jest.

_PianoMan: _…

_ClassicalFan98: _The jazz festival at The Vogue. You took the stage for exactly one hour.

_PianoMan: _Who the hell is this?

_ClassicalFan98: _You played magnificently. At first sight, I fell in love with your aura. You're love for the song.

_PianoMan: _You're freaking me out.

_ClassicalFan98: _Don't you remember me, Edward? I'm your biggest fan.

_PianoMan: _Are you a stalker?

_ClassicalFan98: _I forgot something in your car that night. You know, after the show?

_PianoMan: _My girlfriend's father is the Chief of Police. I'm calling him in ten seconds to have this conversation traced.

_ClassicalFan98: _Can I have them back, Edward?

_PianoMan: _Have what back?

_ClassicalFan98: _My panties.

_PianoMan: _Oh god.

_ClassicalFan98: _I left them in your truck.

_PianoMan: _…

_ClassicalFan98: _Do you not remember? Let me jog your memory- they were black and lacy.

_PianoMan: _That's it. I'm calling the cops.

Just as Edward reached the phone next to his laptop, a high pitched dinging noise came through the speakers. Turning back to the computer, he recognized the pop up immediately. "You have received one new email from ClassicalFan98". Hesitantly, he clicked on the message. When it opened, it revealed a picture of Bella in a bright yellow sweater, smiling widely, and holding up a sign that said "Got Ya!"

Shaking his head, he muttered "Silly Bella," before striding over to his dresser and opening up the top drawer. Dipping his hand inside, he emerged with a pair of feminine, blue silk boy shorts draping from his index finger. "What am I going to do with you?"


	2. Pay Per View

**A/N: This chapter goes out to IsabellaMarieCullen3214. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Pirates Of The Caribbean**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Pay Per View**

"Why is there a jar of dirt on the couch?" Alice quirked her eyebrow as she glided across the room to sit on the big, ivory wingback chair.

"Oh, that would be Emmett's." Jasper shrugged as he began flipping stations.

"Why does he have a jar of dirt?" Alice chuckled at her brother's odd ways.

"He's getting ready for the movie."

Alice shot a glance towards the television.

"Watching pay per view?" She asked.

"Uh-huh."

"What's on?"

"Commercials, at the moment. The movie doesn't start for another ten minutes."

"Hi Jasper, Alice." Carlisle greeted, entering the living room.

"Hi Carlisle." Jasper smiled.

"Hey daddy!" Alice squealed, waving wildly.

Carlisle just grinned and went to sit down beside Jasper.

"Um, why is there a jar of dirt on the couch?" He asked, picking it up to examine it.

"No!" Emmett burst into the room and grabbed the jar from Carlisle's hands. "Mine!"

"Emmett! He wasn't doing anything to it!" Alice exclaimed, annoyed at Emmett's barbaric tendencies.

"It's mine, I tell you! Mine!" Emmett cried as he flopped down in a nearby recliner. "I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt!"

"Two minutes until movie time!" Jasper called, causing Rosalie and Edward to come running into the room, with Esme dragging along behind them.

"Yes! Pirates of the Caribbean! I love this movie!" Edward said joyously as he took a seat on the arm f Alice's chair.

"Pirates? Is that what we're watching?" Esme questioned as she took her place by a now seated Carlisle on the love seat.

"Emmett, why do you have a jar of dirt?" Rosalie wondered, staring at him oddly.

Shrugging, Jasper explained "Emmett found it crucial to have props."

"But the jar of dirt isn't until _Dead Man's Chest_." Edward stated. "We're watching _Curse Of The Black Pearl_."

Emmett's eyes went wide before he yelled "Damn it!"


	3. Dress Maker

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A/N: This chapter goes out to HeSwamToFrance. Read and review? Enjoy!

**Chapter Based Off: Enchanted**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Dress Maker**

_Snip! Snip! Snip! Snip!_

"How does she know you love her?"

_Fold! Fold! Fold! Fold!_

"How does she know she's yours?"

_Stitch! Stitch! Stitch!_

"How does she know that you love her? How do you know that you love her? How does she know that you really, really, truly love h-"

"Alice Cullen! What on Carlisle's name are you doing?"

Alice looked up from the sewing machine, sitting in the middle of her bedroom which looked like a cyclone hit it, to see Esme standing in the doorway to her bedroom, little slightly angrier than usual.

"Singing."

"I meant, why does your room look as messy as Emmett's?" Esme said.

"I'm making a dress, Esme." Alice replied joyfully, "Isn't it pretty?" She held up the bright blue dress for her mother to see.

"Yes dear, it's very nice but-" Esme trailed off, as she shot a glance at her daughter's bedroom window. "What happened to your curtains?" She shrieked.

Alice smiled at the curtains. Big holes stood out in the middle, keeping them together by only strands of fabric in some places.

"I told you I made a dress." The pixie-like girl stated stiffly.

"Out of your curtains?"

Alice just nodded.

Esme sighed exasperatedly. "Alice, what am I going to do with you?"

"But me new curtains and more material for dress making?" She asked hopefully.

Esme just shook her head and stalked out of the room.

"What's up with her?" Alice muttered before pocketing a pair of safety scissors. "I know Rosalie has some nice curtains… dress number two, here I come!"


	4. Three's A Crowd

**A/N: This chapter goes out to EdwardCullenManiac and her frieds. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Mean Girls**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Three's A Crowd**

_Ring! Ring!_

"Hello?" Bella spoke into the phone.

"Hi, Bella! It's me." Replied a bubbly voice from the other end.

"Oh, hey Jess." Bella cleared her throat, not really wanting to talk to Jessica Stanley after the incident at school today. "What's up?"

"Nothing much, just painting my toenails." Bella blanched at the words. "They're royal purple now."

"Umm…"

"So, I called to talk about what happened today. I mean, Lauren totally shouldn't have said that in front of the _entire school_."

"Well, I guess it could've been worse." Bella chewed on her lip, twisting the phone cord around her fingers.

"Are you serious? She was _totally_ out of line, drooling over Edward like that. And to think that she was throwing herself all over him!" Jessica continued, using lots of emphasis in her tone. "Poor Cullen. If only that girl knew how to keep her hands to herself."

"Yeah…"

"I mean, it was total bitchy of her. She knows that he's with you, Bella. Don't you think it was bitchy?"

Gulping, Bella regurgitated "Yeah, it was pretty… bitchy… of her. But I can't really blame her. It is Edward we're talking about."

"So you're not mad at her anymore?"

"No. I mean, she was probably just looking for attention or something."

"You see, Lauren? I told you she wasn't mad at you!" Jessica giggled. Much to Bella's mortification, she heard a gasp in the receiver.

"I can't believe you think I'm bitchy and an attention seeker!" Lauren exclaimed before there was a click, signaling that she hung up.

"Well, I got to go Bella! See you at school!"

Another click. Jessica was gone.

Bella sighed deeply before hanging up the phone. She absolutely hated three way calls- especially when the meanest girls in the school were involved.


	5. From Emmett With Love

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the lovely Gema227. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: James Bond - From Russia With Love**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the charcters.**

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**From Emmett With Love**

"Is that James Bond I hear?"

"Oh yeah, someone's watching _From Russia With Love_."

"Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Edward and Jasper bolted into the living room, only to find the television shut off, a video camera sitting on a tripod, the record button blinking red, and Sean Connery's voice coming out of a nearby stereo that was sitting on the coffee table. Emmett was standing in front of the camera, clutching a black cap gun as he kept dodging the air.

"Do-do-dodo!" He cried out in a bad imitation of the theme song that began to pour out of the speakers.

"Emmett, what the hell are you doing?" Jasper questioned, pressing pause on the stereo.

The burly boy looked up, wondering who shut off his music.

"Oh, hey guys." Emmett replied, smiling as he let his gun hand fall to his side. "I was just listening to some old audio books."

"You found James Bond on audio books? I never even knew there were books."

"What's with the camera?" Edward questioned, staring warily at the shiny silver object.

"I'm making my own version of _From Russia With Love_." Emmett responded happily.

"Why?"

"It's a project for my film class."

"Em, you don't take film. Rosalie does."

"Um…"

"Hey, has anyone seen my camera? I've got a documentary due on Monday and I really need to finish up."

They boys looked towards the stairs to see Rosalie standing on the bottom step.

Edward and Jasper just pointed at the tripod.

Rosalie followed their fingers and gasped when she saw the record button on.

"Alright, who was using my camera?" She asked, hopping off of the last step as she made a beeline for the camera.

Once again, Edward and Jasper pointed, but this time at their brother.

"Em, please say that you used a different tape."

He blushed and said nothing.

"At least tell me you flipped it over?"

Emmett's head moved back and forth slowly.

Rosalie went really pale, really fast.

"Fifty minutes of my documentary on the life of the cliques- gone. My perfect grade… ruined. My film career, destroyed forever!" She screamed, as tears began to flow from her eyes.

Noticing her state of distress, Jasper pulled the tape from the camera and headed over to his sister.

"Look on the bright side, Rose," He began, handing her the tape. "You now have your own personal copy, not to mention the only copy, of _From Emmett With Love_."

Rosalie looked through her tears up at Emmett mouthing the words "I love you, Rose," before bolting up the stairs.

Flipping the tape over in her hands, she muttered "Great, just great."


	6. Worst Pies In Forks

**Very Important A/N: A fair few of you are bothering me because Rosalie cried in the last chapter, and Emmett blushed. I KNOW vmapires don't do those things. If anyone bothered to read the summary or first A/N, you'd know this is an ALL HUMAN fic. This chapter goes out to Lured By The Scent, and IsabellaMarieCullen3214. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Sweeney Todd**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Worst Pies In Forks**

"What is that?"

"A pie."

"What type?"

"What does it look like.?"

"Well, it's not apple," Carlisle stated, examining the pie slice on the plate in front of him.

"Nope." Esme said, nervously twisting the cloth napkin she was clutching tightly.

"And it's most definitely not pumpkin." Carlisle continued.

"No."

"By the looks of the filling, it's some type of meat pie."

"You're getting closer."

"Mince meat?"

"No."

"Chicken?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Stew?"

"Way off base."

"Dear, I give up. What is it?"

"Why don't you take a bite and find out?" Esme suggested, handing him a fork.

Carlisle obliged, tasting the pie. He immediately made a face, holding his hand over his mouth.

"Hey Esme? Have you seen Fluffy around? Last I knew, she was in the garden, but I can't find her anywhere." Alice said, her eyes wide in fear that her kitty had run away.

After choking up the pie on his plate, Carlisle made to further inspect the meaty substance he had just regurgitated. It was grey.

"Esme, please tell me you didn't."

"Oh! I knew my pies were the worst pies in Forks!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Um… have either of you seen my cat?" Alice asked again. Obviously, her parents had paid her no attention the first time she spoke.

"I think I have." Carlisle said, glancing at his plate before rushing off to the bathroom.


	7. As You Wish

**A/N: This chapter goes out to Amabel. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: The Princess Bride**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**As You Wish**

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Fetch me a bowl of ice-cream."

"As you wish."

* * *

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Go get me a pillow."

"As you wish."

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"Jasper?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Help me make a batch of double chocolate chip cookies."

"As you wish."

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"Jasper?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Come outside to watch the sunset with me."

"As you wish."

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"Jasper?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Take me for a walk around the yard."

"As you wish."

Watching them go, Bella snuggled closer to Edward on the couch in the living room.

"You know, I don't think I've ever heard them say that they love each other before." She stated, looking up into Edward's face. "I mean, it's obvious they're lose. Alice can be so…"

"Aggressive?" Edward suggested, twirling a stand of her hair through his fingers.

"Yes. That's the word." Bella continued. "And Jasper just seems to take it. I just can't get it through my head why they never say 'I love you' to one another."

"Just because they're not as open about their relationship as Emmett and Rosalie, or you and I, doesn't mean they don't say it behind closed door." Edward replied. "Or out in public. They just do it secretively."

"Secretively? How so?"

"Bella, don't you see? Every time Jasper says 'as you wish', Alice is hearing 'I love you', just as she is meant to. It's just their way of being intimate without being _intimate_."

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Kiss me."

"As you wish."


	8. My Precious

**A/N: This chapter goes out to MusicalEdward. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Lord Of The Rings**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**My Precious**

"One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them. One ring to bring them all, and in the darkness, bind them. In the land of Mordo-"

"Emmett, dear, have you seen my wedding ring?" Esme asked, cornering him in the kitchen. "I thought I left it in here when I was baking cookies. I took it off so it wouldn't get all sticky."

Looking at the ring in his palm, he smiled abashedly and held it out awkwardly to his mother.

"Here, Mom." Emmett said, hanging his head. "I found it on the counter by the sink."

"Oh! Thank heavens you found it before it got knocked down the drain or something. Carlisle would kill me if I lost his Grandmother's wedding ring." Esme exclaimed as she slid it back onto her finger.

As she left the room, Emmett's gaze followed her, glaring deeply into her back. When he was sure she was out of hearing range, he hissed under his breath. "She stole it! She stole _my precious_!"

"I thought I was your precious." Rosalie growled, entering the kitchen and making a beeline for the fridge.

"Whatever you say, Rose."


	9. Fortune Cookie?

**A/N: This chapter goes out to Blawwmkw. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Freaky Friday**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Fortune Cookie?**

"I wish you would just stay out of my life!"

"Well, if you didn't dress do dismally, maybe I wouldn't need to butt in all of the time!"

"I don't see why you're determined to be the one who picks out my clothes, anyway!"

"You have no sense of style in cars, so why would I trust your style in clothes?"

Edward gasped, glaring into his sister's eyes.

"Oh no, you didn't just insult my Volvo!"

"It wasn't only the Volvo I was insulting, it was your Vanquish!" Rosalie shouted back.

Jasper was watching the scene from a little piece away, hiding behind on of the balustrades creating the doorway to the kitchen. He watched Rosalie and Edward fight on many occasions about a variety of different subjects, but they never resulting to insulting each other.

"Perhaps it's time they walked a mile in each other's shoes." He muttered under his breath as he made his way over to the cookie jar. Dipping his hand inside, he extracted two fortune cookies, already out of their wrappers.

After putting the lid back on the jar, he made his way into the living room, and without a word, placed the cookies on the coffee table between them.

"Hi guys, what's u- Oh! Fortune cookies!" Emmett exclaimed, picking up the cookies.

"Hey! I want one!" Alice pouted.

Emmett tossed her one.

Snap!

"No!" Jasper cried as he watched Emmett and Alice both break their cookies and pull out the slips of paper.

A miniature earthquake went through the house, causing the five Cullen/Hale children to wobble where they stood.

"What the hell was that?" Alice's voice rang out around the room. "Woah, why do I sound like a chick?" Glancing down, she shrieked and wrapped her arms around her chest. "Why do I have boobs?"

"What are you talking about, Alice?" Rosalie asked, staring at her sister like she had grown a third eye. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was Emmett talking."

"Ahhh!"

Everyone turned towards Emmett.

"What's with all of the screaming?" Edward asked, his ears ringing.

"I have chest hair!"

Rosalie and Edward just looked at each other as Jasper slipped upstairs unnoticed.


	10. And Then?

**A/N: This chapter goes out to JasperIsMYEverything. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Dude Where's My Car**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**And Then?**

"Good afternoon, Mischa speaking. May I take your order please?" The words came out of the speaker box, heavily accented in Chinese.

"Um, hi. I think we're going to get three orders of chicken chow mien." Jasper spoke through the open window of the Mercedes.

"And then?" The woman on the other end of the speaker box replied.

Jasper looked over at Edward, who was in the passenger seat. He only shrugged.

"And three orders of wonton soup." Jasper said.

"And then?"

"Mushu pork! Mushu pork!" Emmett chanted from the back seat.

"I guess we'll have some mushu pork as well." Jasper grimaced. He absolutely hater mushu pork.

"And then?"

"Don't forget the fortune cookies." Edward said, not minding in the least that their order had grown three times the size they had originally intended it to be."

"And then?" The Chinese voice drawled.

"Chicken balls and egg rolls!" Emmett hollered out his now open window.

"And then?"

"Uh, I think that's it." Jasper stated, waiting for the woman to tell them the price of their order.

"And then?"

"No 'and then', we're done ordering."

"And then?"

"No 'and then'."

"And then?"

"No 'and then'."

"And then?"

"No 'and then'."

Silence.

Sighing, Jasper was just about to pull up to the window when the box started chanting:

"And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!"

Finally snapping, Jasper reached down to the floor by Edward feet and picked up the plastic pick Carlisle used to clean ice off of the window in the winter. Extending his arm through the window, he hit the speaker box with it until it was hanging by a few wires- the frame completely busted.

Tossing the pick back onto the floor, Jasper exclaimed "That's it! We're going to McDonalds!" before speeding away. When the black Mercedes was well out of the drive thru of Lady Cheng's Chinese Cuisine, there was the sound of crackling static and the faint words, "And then?"


	11. Falling For You

**A/N: This chapter goes out to What-A-Stupid-Lamb, JasperIsMYEverything, and EdwardCullenManiac. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Poll: You're voting yes, but some of you say no. Keep voting.**

**Chapter Based Off: Spiderman**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Falling For You**

"Ahhh!"

"Edward!"

Bella rushed around the house only to find Edward hanging by his harness, upside down. His right arm was nearly touching the ground, his forgotten paintbrush a white mass among the bright green grass.

"What happened?" She exclaimed, ending up in front of him, his eyes level with hers for once.

"I fell off of the roof. Emmett and Jasper are probably laughing their heads off on the other sides of the house." Edward exclaimed, his blood quickly rushing to his head.

"I don't see why you wouldn't settle for just painting the porch me Alice, Rosalie and I." Bella stated.

"If I did that, Jasper and Emmett would be on my case for the next hundred years. Besides, I knew that Esme should have hired professional painters instead of turning her redecorating scheme into a family activity."

"I don't even see how she can call it redecorating. The house is the exact same shade of white as it was before."

"Yeah, but we're getting an all new interior design."

"Oh."

"Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"Since I'm hanging upside down and currently unable to go anywhere, I'm going to give you two options."

"Which are?"

"Number one: You find some way to get me down from here. All of the blood rushing to my head is making me dizzy."

"A tempting option."

"Number two: You kiss me."

"I think I like option number two." Bella grinned, walking closer, placing her hands on his cheeks. "You know, this would be a whole lot cooler if you were wearing a red mask with spider webs on it."

"Shut up and kiss me, Swan."

"Whatever, Spiderman."


	12. Showbiz

**A/N: This chapter goes out to PeaceLoveJonas7894. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: High School Musical 2**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Showbiz**

"One, two, three, four, five, six, step, and step." Tyler shouted out as he stood in front of the mirrors, watching his pupils dance along with him.

It was nearly time for the spring musical, and being an avid partaker in the school's drama productions since freshman year, the head of the drama department, Mr. Smith, decided to let Tyler help choreograph the number for the audition session. He had no trouble in doing so, considering that the musical they would be performing, _Chicago_, was one of his favorites.

So far, everyone was doing fine and looked like any one of them could be ready to take the leading roles and pull them off. Especially the Cullens. He could see it now: Petite little Alice Cullen up on stage giving it her all to the song "All That Jazz" while her sister would sing her heart out to "Funny Honey". Hell, even Jasper would make a wonderful Billie Flynn.

Hearing his watch alarm go off, his called out "Alright everyone, that's all for today! I'll have one more practice tomorrow if anyone would like some extra help. Be here, four o'clock. Good luck at the auditions on Friday!"

Everyone clapped and thanked his for his help, giving him smiles and waves as they left the studio.

As soon as everyone had emptied out, Lauren Mallory stormed in, his heels clicking loudly against the wooden floor.

Grabbing his shoulder, she spun him around, away from he stereo to face her.

"I told you to keep and eye on them, to scope out the competition," Laruen ground out, "Not turn them into the cast of Grease!"

"Pretty cool, huh?" Tyler said, marveling at his work.

"Do you want us to lose the roles of Billie and Roxie to a bunch of… freaks?" Lauren shrieked.

"Us? Well, I guess that's showbiz."

"When did you become… one of them?"

Smiling, Tyler replied, "You know, I'll take that as a compliment. But you and Jessica have a great show, Lauren."

"Oh, we plan to." Lauren hissed at his retreating back.


	13. I Am Your Father

**A/N: This chapter goes out to EmoDragonstar and the awesome Mikey Squirell who made the song "We Didn't Start The Star Wars". Check it out on . Read and reveiew? Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**I Am Your Father**

"I refuse to believe it."

"What?"

"You're lying to me."

"Ask your mother, I was the one who helped her create you."

"She's in on the conspiracy too. I was adopted, I know it."

"Edward, I am your father."

"Stay away from me, Dr. Cullen!"

"Would you please call me 'dad' or 'Carlisle' like you always do?"

"No! I always knew I was adopted! Jasper and Rose have blonde hair, Alice and Emmett have dark hair, I have bronze! I'm the odd one out!"

"I am your father, Edward." Carlisle sighed, exasperatedly. "Why won't you listen to me?"

"Because you're lying!"

"We didn't start the Star Wars! They were always fighting since George was writing them! We didn't start the Star Wars! No we didn't dream them but we went and seen them!"

Carlisle and Edward turned towards the door of Carlisle's study and saw Emmett strolling through the upstairs hallways, his iPod in hand while he belted out the lyrics.

"Oh my…"

"And you say I'm the one who needs therapy!" Edward exclaimed.


	14. Greased Lightning

**A/N: This chapter goes out to SpontanuousChickie and Blawwmkw. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Last Chapter Based Off: Star Wars**

**This Chapter Based Off: Grease**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Greased Lightning**

"No."

"But-"

"I refuse."

"Rosalie!"

"Emmett, you can't really expect me to turn that beat up hunk of junk into some sort of Greased Lightning."

"But you said if I brought in a new car, you'd totally trick it up!"

"_New_ car, Emmett. Not some beat up Honda."

"But I want it painted red with white lightning down the sides!"

"Then bring me your jeep, because there is no way in Hell I'm even touching that thing."

"But-"

"No."

"But-"

"I refuse."

"Rosalie!"

"If you don't bring me your jeep within two minutes, you're officially demoted from Greaser to greasy."

"Be right back."


	15. Test

**A/N: This chapter goes out to Gema227 and IsabellaMarieCullen3214. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Warning: I have idea if the concept in this chapter is even possible. Just go with it.**

**Chapter Based Off: Juno**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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**Test**

"That little pink plus sign is unholy."

"No way! You need a minus!"

"Well, the test never lies. You said so yourself."

"Oh yeah? Well now I'm saying that I think you should try again."

"Mike, I don't have enough pee left. I had five tests already. Do you really think that the results will be any different the sixth time?"

"Bella, just take the test. This one's on me."

"As have been the last four."

"What?"

"I told you I only needed one, so I'm only paying for one."

"Look, I don't care who's pocket it is coming out of, just take another one!" Mike exclaimed, pointing towards the back aisle by the bathrooms.

"I _told _you, I don't have enough pee." Bella exclaimed, getting aggravated. Lucky the counter was between them; otherwise she probably would have hit him by now.

"Then go and drink a case of soda or something! I'll pay for that too!"

"I don't like soda. Besides, I already drank my weight in Sunny D and I don't have any pee left."

"But… but… you can't have a little pink plus sign! You just can't!"

"Who cares if it's pink?" Bella wondered what that had to do with anything.

"I do! Bella, if these tests are right, you'll be stuck with the results for the rest of your life. I can't believe this is happening. To you, especially. I mean, I can totally see this happening to someone like Lauren, and possibly even Jessica, but not you.

Rolling her eyes, Bella exclaimed, "Dude, I'm diabetic. Get over it."


	16. Time Warp

**A/N: This chapter goes out to Lanna-Misssunshine. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Rocky Horror Picture Show**

**Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Time Warp**

"It's just a jump to the left."

The entire gym jumped to the left.

"And then you step to the right."

Everyone stepped right.

"You put your hands on your hips, then bring your knees in tight."

The students so.

"And it's the pelvic thrust that really tells you're insane. Let's do the Time Warp again! Let's do the Time Warp again!"

"This is ridiculous." Edward mumbled under his breath, glaring at the students standing up around him.

"I don't get it. What's the Time Warp?" Bella asked, confused.

Shaking his head at the amount of students actually dancing, including Emmett, along with the song was unnerving.

"Why anyone thought it was safe for our school to have karaoke during spirit week was stupid enough," Edward claimed, moving Bella out of the way of a nearby pelvic thruster, "But the person who gave Newton the microphone and authorized his to do the Time Warp was clinically insane."


	17. Pedal To The Metal

**A/N: This chapter goes out to MusicalEdward. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Elizabethtown**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Pedal To The Metal**

"I can do this." Edward muttered under his breath as he placed his hands on the handlebars. "The trick it to be calm- serene."

He slowed his breathing as much as possible before swinging one leg over the seat and onto the pedals. Closing his eyes, refusing to cry, he leaned forward and let the pedals move forward about a quarter of an inch.

Before he could get even a half rotation in, the phone rang, disrupting his sad attempt at suicide.

Sighing, he reached over onto his nightstand and picked up his cell.

"Hello?" He answered, his voice monotone.

"Don't do it, Edward!" A high pitched voice came through the phone.

"Alice? Is that you?" Edward asked, sitting back from the knife that was just a few inches away from his heart.

"Don't do it!"

"Do what?"

"Kill yourself!"

"How do you know what I'm thinking of doing?"

"I'm in the backyard! That foolish exercise bike contraption is in plain sight!"

Turning his gaze towards the window, Edward saw Alice with her cell phone plastered up against her ear, staring up woefully at him.

"Don't do it, Edward. Please? It's not your fault you were out camping with us when Mike invited Bella to go to Jessica's party with him."

"The point is that she went." He ground out.

"But you weren't supposed to be home until the weekend, and I doubt she wanted to go all alone."

"Still-"

"Edward, stop moping and come play capture the flag with Emmett, Jasper and I."

Without another word, she hung up on him.

Edward stared at the phone in his hand, then at the knife he had rigged up to an old exercise bike he found in the basement.

"What a waste of time." He muttered before dismounting and hightailing it outside so Alice wouldn't go ballistic on him.


	18. It Worked For Harry Potter

**A/N: This chapter goes out to SpontaneousChickie and EdwardCullenManiac. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**New Poll: Would anyone read fanfiction for "Wildwood Dancing" by Juliet Marillier? Go and vote.**

**Chapter Based Off: Harry Potter**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**It Worked For Harry Potter**

"Accio remote."

"Um…"

"Accio remote…"

"Emmett-"

"Accio remote!"

"What on Carlisle's name are you trying to do?" Esme asked, adverting her eyes from the television for a moment to watch her son's odd antics.

"Mom, I'm trying to get the television remote!" Emmett replied, his tone whiny.

"With a pixie stick?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I don't have a wand."

"Um…"

"It worked for Harry Potter!" Emmett exclaimed, watching as Esme quickly snatched the remote up off of the coffee table and tucked it in her sweater pocket.

"But- but…" He stuttered, upset that she was coveting the remote control.

"Hush dear, at least until _Flip That House_ is over." Esme scolded before turning her gaze back on the television.

"Aw sh-"

"Language, Emmett."

"Shucks."


	19. Fool's Golden Ticket

**A/N: This chapter goes out to BellaCinderella. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Poll: Since the majority of the votes for my Wildwood Dancing poll is going towards not having read the book, I suggest that you do. It is an amazing tale of romantic fantasy. Summary: On the night of each full moon, the five Transylvanian sisters who reside in the castle Piscul Dracului don their finest gowns. They raise their hands to create shadows against the wall, opening a portal to the Other Kingdom, where they will dance the night away with all manner of fantastical creatures. After nine years of full moons spent in delightful revelry, dark forces, both human and otherworldly, arise to encroach upon the sisters' happiness. Told by Jena, the second oldest sister, this detailed and mood-rich story covers much territory, both mundane and magical. With five close sisters, four intriguing moon cycles, three annoying suitors, two forbidden lovers, and one enchanted frog, you can do no wrong in reading this marvelous wook. Juliet Marillier is brilliant. (partial summary from amazon).**

**Chapter Based Off: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Fool's Golden Ticket**

"Oh my Carlisle!"

"What? What is it?"

"I've got a golden ticket!"

"A what?"

"A golden ticket! I'm going to tour Willy Wonka's chocolate factory!"

"Um, Ben?"

"I've wanted this my whole life! Angela, can you believe it?"

"Ben, that's the gold tin foil, not a golden ticket."

"But-"

"That's not even a Wonka Bar, it's a Caramilk Bar."

"But-"

"You're staying right here, Ben." Angela said forlornly, a frown breaking out on her face due to his sadness.

"Damn it!"


	20. You Jump, I Jump

**A/N: This chapter goes out to I3EdwardCullen. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Titanic**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**You Jump, I Jump**

"Don't do it, Rose!"

"Don't come any closer! I'll jump!"

"Just listen to me-"

"No. Stay back! I mean it! I'll let go…"

"No you won't."

"What do you mean, 'no I won't'?"

"Well, if you were going to jump, you'd have done it already."

"But-"

"I'm involved, now. You jump, I jump."

"I don't need help from the likes of you!"

"Trust me, okay?"

Her eyes were watery. It was clear that she was beyond scared but had to much pride to admit it.

Slowly, Emmett made his way up the waterslide's ladder, never taking his eyes off of a very petrified Rosalie.

"Now, just give me your hand and I'll pull you back over." He said, soothingly.

Gulping, Rosalie turned herself around, never letting the outer bars of the slide's frame. She let one hand go and reached for Emmett's. Just before their fingers made contact, her flip-flop covered foot slipped and she went plummeting towards the water.

"Ahhh!"

_Splash!_

"Rosalie!"

As she resurfaced in the pool, she was gasping for breath.

"Tsk, tsk, Rose." Alice smirked from her lounge chair. "That's what you get for climbing the waterslide when you're scared of heights."

"Oh, shut up." Rosalie hissed as she pushed her sopping wet hair out of her face. "Next time I'd like to see you with Emmett as your savior; you probably wouldn't even survive the fall."


	21. Oddity

**A/N: I am not accepting any more requests until I get through what I have already recieved. I shall notify you when I will be open to your suggestions again. This chapter goes out to HeSwamToFrance. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Monty Python & The Holy Grail**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Oddity**

_Clip clop! Clip clop! Clip clop!_

"What is he doing?"

"Has he gone mad?"

"Someone should really get him to the school nurse."

"I think he's finally cracked. I always knew that all of those snowballs to the head would do some damage eventually."

"Edward?" Bella voiced, joining the entourage of students, staring oddly at Mike.

"Yes, Bella?" Edward answered, his eyes not moving from Mike as he pretended to gallop around on an imaginary horse.

"What is Mike doing?" Never before had she feared for the boy's health. This time was an exception.

"I have no idea." Edward replied, shaking his head at the spectacle.

"I hope a killer rabbit attacks him." Rosalie scoffed on Edward's other side.

Edward and Bella turned their heads towards the blonde and stared at her skeptically.

Rosalie raised her eyebrow and responded, "What? It could happen."


	22. Kaboom

**A/N: This chapter goes out to Edward's Manda. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Mission Impossible 3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

**

* * *

**

Kaboom

"He's going to angry."

"It was an accident!"

"He won't care. He'll try to take your head off."

"I'd like to see him try."

"Alice, you need to take care of the evidence."

"But-"

"Alice."

"Bella, I can't-"

"You must. Edward will be upset when he fins out you dented his Volvo.

_Tinker! Tinker! Tinker!_

"Are you done?"

"Bella, I'm not Rosalie. This will take awhile…"

_About an hour later…_

"Are you done now?"

"… Yes."

"Alright, let's back up."

Alice and Bella moved to the other side of the yard and stared on woefully at Alice's Porsche.

Remorse glossed at her eyes as Alice sighed and hit the red button on the tiny remote in her hand. Almost instantaneously, the car blew up.

She was silent. If she was human, she would be crying right now.

Placing her hand on the vampire's shoulder, Bella whispered "It's okay, Alice. There will be other 911 Turbos."

Sobbing dryly, Alice choked "But that was such a nice car."


	23. Ladies' Choice

**A/N: I'm sorry if I messed anyone up i nthe last chapter with Alice's dry sobbing. Just so you know, I'm human and I dry sob all of the time. It's an alternate to crying. She was still human in the last chapter. This chapter goes out to Ms. Topaz. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Hairspray**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Ladies' Choice**

"Hey! You have no right…"

_Rip!_

"What the hell, Cullen?" Jessica shrieked at Alice's retreating back.

"You little bitch!"

_Tear!_

"What in the- Alice?" Lauren shrieked as she watched the pixie's tense form bounce her way down the hall.

"Not you too!" Alice squealed as she ripped a picture of Jasper out of Angela's open locker before tearing it to pieces and tossing them up in the air. Stomping her foot, she made her way towards her best friend whose locker was at the other end of the hallway.

Angela quirked an eyebrow, wondering why Alice had just ripped up one of the many graduation pictures she had collected out of her locker.

When she reached Bella, Alice gasped in shock at seeing another picture of Jasper inside Bella's locker.

"I can't believe this!" She screamed, refusing to assault anything that was your friend's. "I mean, I can understand Lauren and Jessica hoarding picture of my boyfriend in their lockers, and possibly even Angela; but not you!"

"Um…" Bella trailed off.

"You have Edward! Is he not good enough for you?"

"Alice-"

"Well, I have news for you Bella, I refuse to share him!"

"Alice, I have a picture of you and Rosalie in my locker. Emmett is in there too, and I'm certainly not attracted to you three."

Realization dawned on Alice's face.

"So you're not in love with Jasper?"

"In a familial way, not in a… a…"

"Intimate way?"

Bella just nodded.

Alice chucked at her ridiculousness.

"I guess I should've known you wouldn't be like every other girl in this school, though I guess I couldn't blame you if you were."

"Huh?" Bella said, obviously confused.

"I mean, come on," Alice sighed dreamily as she watched Jasper make his way with Edward toward his locker. "My boyfriend is obviously the ladies' choice."


	24. Soaked Angel

**A/N: This chapter goes out to nobody because I was watching this movie on TV today and it inspired me to write this non-requested chapter. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: The Girl Next Door**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Soaked Angel**

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

"I'm coming!" A muffled voice called from beyond the door.

Mike made his way from the kitchen through the house towards the front hall. When he reached the front door, he swung it inward and gaped openly at the sight of a drenched- yet hot -Rosalie Hale standing on his front step. Her blindingly blonde hair was plastered to her cheeks while her denim shorts and white tank top clung tightly against her model's body.

"Hi Mike," She whispered sensuously, batting her eyelashes, "I'm all wet, can I come in and dry off?"

Not thinking clearly, Mike slammed the door on her, and leaned against it, breathing heavily. Was this really happening? _The_ Rosalie Hale, goddess of all that was good in Washington, was standing on his step, dripping wet and asking to come in? It just couldn't be real- could it?

Regaining his composure, he forced himself to stand straight as he opened the door, ready to welcome the beauty into his parent-free house for as long as she needed. However, when he had the door opened fully, his brow furrowed in confusion. No one was there.

"Rosalie?" He called out into the darkness.

There was no reply.

"Rosalie Hale? Are you there?"

Silence.

Shaking his head, Mike went back inside and shut the door.

"Weird." He muttered, but as he began to walk back towards the kitchen, he couldn't irk the feeling that he had heard a very girlish giggle followed by full out boisterous laughter.


	25. Portal

**A/N: This chapter goes out to MusicalEdward. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: The Chronicles Of Narnia**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Portal**

"Woah! When did we get this?" Emmett screeched as he began circling an old wardrobe tucked into the corner of his parents' room.

"You father got it for me as an anniversary present four years ago," Esme smiled at her son's amusement as she lounged on her bed, an old copy of _Vogue_ in her hands.

"Since when did dad have such good taste?" Emmett asked, stopped to knock on the door panels.

"Since always." Esme shrugged.

"Huh. I never would have guessed."

"That's because you don't ask for his opinion on anything- Emmett?" Esme said, looking up from her magazine to see her son MIA.

"Emmett, where are you?"

"I'm right here, Esme." He replied, poking his head around one of the wardrobe doors.

"Dear, what are you doing in there?"

"Looking for the way into Narnia."

"Not in my wardrobe, you don't."

"But-"

"No."

"Esme…"

"Out, Emmett.


	26. Tomorrow

**A/N: This chapter goes out to Blawwmkw. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Annie**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

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****

Tomorrow

"I hate the rain."

"I know you do, Bella," Angela said, clamped a hand down on the sullen brunette's shoulder. "But look on the bright side, have better hopes of the sun grace us with it's presence tomorrow."

"Ang, in case you haven't noticed: We're in Forks. It is _always_ rainy." Bella said, glancing away from the window to look at her friend.

"Trust me, Bells," Angela smiled. "The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there will be sun."

Bella just stared, not saying a word.

"Just thinking about tomorrow, clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'til there's none."

"Angela-"

"When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely; I just stick out my chin-" When Angel did so, Bella caught it in her hand and forced her face away from the gloom outside until she was looking her in the eyes.

"Angela, it's going to rain tomorrow, the next day, the rest of the week, and all next month. Get over it. I know _I_ have."


	27. So Much Silk

**A/N: This chapter goes out to HarryEdwardGirl93. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: 27 Dresses**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**So Much Silk**

"Oh my Carlisle! Where did you get all of these?" Bella exclaimed as she stared in amazement at the mass amounts of dresses hanging in plastic bags at the far end of Alice's closet.

"At designer dress shops all around the globe." Alice replied, smiling. "So much silk."

"There is so many! Fifty at least…" Bella said, wide-eyed.

"Twenty seven, actually." Alice stated as she ran her hand delicately over the dresses. "One for each time I had to be a bridesmaid at one of Rosalie's many weddings."

"Rosalie had twenty seven weddings?"

"Of course not! Bella, she's only eighteen! Although she had many pretend weddings with Emmett growing up over the years."

"Oh." Bella grinned. "So, always a bridesmaid, never a bride? Knowing your love of shopping I would have guessed that you'd have your wedding dress picked out by now." She joked.

"I do. It's on hold at Versace for when Jasper pops the question."

Bella rolled her eyes. At least Rosalie's weddings were all just a big game of dress up. By Alice's tone of voice, Bella could tell that she was serious.


	28. New Wheels

**A/N: This chapter goes out to EdwardCullenManiac. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Wizard Of Oz**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**New Wheels**

"Alice!"

"What?"

"Where's Rose? She's supposed to take me car shopping."

"Didn't you hear the news, Jazz?"

"What?"

"Rose is dead."

"…"

"Bella dropped a house on her."

"Um…"

"My flying monkeys told me."

"Alice-"

"Edward said that all you have to do to find her grave is follow the yellow brick road."

"But-"

"And to get back home, find Emmett. He'll give you the ruby slippers. Just slip them on and click your heels together three times and chant 'there's no place like home'. It will work, I promise."

"But-"

"Now shoo! I need to set that old, rotting scarecrow in the backyard on fire."

"There's a scarecrow in the back yard?" Jasper asked, raising a well groomed brow.

"Esme put it up at the beginning of October for the fall." Alice replied.

"October was over five months ago."

"Hence the fact that it's rotting."

Without another word, Alice flounced out the back door. Stunned, Jasper just stared after her.

"Hey Jasper, you ready to go?" Rosalie said, entering the back den, car keys in hand.

"You're alive?"

"Yeah." Rosalie said, obviously confused. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Shaking his head, Jasper said "Never mind."

"Now, let's go find you some new wheels." Rose smiled, latching herself onto her brother's arm.

"As long as it's not a broom that can sky write, I'm fine with anything."

"Huh?"

"Nothing."


	29. Disturbing

**A/N: This chapter goes out to Skiiller. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**New Poll: Do you plan on reading "The Host" by Stephenie Meyer? Personally, I already have the book and started reading. Go and vote!**

**Chapter Based Off: Disturbia**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Disturbing**

"Oh my Carlisle…"

"What? What is it?"

"Look over there."

"Over where?"

"Towards the road!"

"I don't see anything, Edward."

"For heaven's sake! Here!" Edward exclaimed, shoving a pair of binoculars into Jasper's hands.

Putting the binoculars up to his eyes, Jasper turned in the direction Edward was pointing. Through the lenses, he could see Alice at the far of the end of the backyard, stroking a bunny, her lips moving quickly.

"Is she really talking to that rabbit?" Jasper asked, not looking away from the odd sight.

"She does this everyday at this time." Edward replied, turning Jasper's hands to the left. "Now, look again."

This time, Jasper saw Esme at the en of the driveway playing hopscotch. Carlisle was currently stumbling on one of the middle squares.

"Hopscotch? I thought our parents were thirty something, not three." Jasper scoffed.

"Look further up the drive…" Edward hinted.

Jasper did so. The garage came into view. The door was open, and Rosalie was standing just inside, dressed in a greasy pair of overalls. She was rubbing a cleaning rag over the windshield while shaking her hair back and forth, as if she were at a rock concert.

"You can't hear it from here, but she's listening to _Greased Lightning_ on the tape player." Edward smirked.

"No way." Jasper said, dropping the binoculars to his side.

"Yes, way." Edward replied, grabbing his brother's arm. "We still have one stop left on the tour."

He led Jasper through the house and up the stairs, before pointing to a crack between the door and the wall outside of Emmett's room.

Shrugging, Jasper whipped the binoculars up to his eyes and stared through the crack. Inside, Emmett was dancing around wildly, his arms flailing about. His voice reached Jasper's ears as he jumped around and stuck his arms out in front of him.

"He's doing the Macarena?" Jasper shrieked.

Edward nodded.

Without another word, Jasper shoved the binoculars back into his brother's hands and headed off down the hall.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Edward called after him.

"Away from you." Jasper said over his shoulder. "Your spy tour was nothing but disturbing."


	30. Radioactive Rock

**A/N: This chapter goes out to Blawwmkw. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Eragon**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Radioactive Rock**

"What is that?"

"I have no idea."

"It looks like an egg or something. Where did you find it?"

"The Spine."

"The what?"

"We went on a field trip out to Alageisa and-"

"Hold up, Alice. Where is Alageisa? Or should I say _what_ is it?"

"It's a place just on the other side of Portland, and the Spine was what Ms. Henri called the forest we hiked through." The tiny girl replied.

"Very well." Rosalie muttered, signaling for her sister to continue.

"I just have no other explanation as to what it might be." Alice said, starting at the egg-like thing on the table in front of her. "I mean, what other thing have you seen that glowed blue?"

"A radioactive rock." Rosalie stated.

"Stop spoiling my fun!"

"Alice, how many dragons have you seen in the past week?"

Silence.


	31. Angel Of Music

**A/N: Rarely ever do you come across a good Edward/Rosalie sinbling fic. Here's hoping that this is a good one. This chapter goes out to Amabel. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Phantom Of The Opera**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Angel Of Music**

"Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams. Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before. Close your eyes and let your spirit soar-"

"Edward?"

"Yes?" Edward removed his hands from the piano keys and turned around to see Rosalie standing behind him in her pajamas.

She just stared back at him, teary eyed.

"Rose, what's wrong?" He asked, opening his arms for her to step into.

Hesitantly, Rosalie moved to sit next to him on the piano bench, letting her brother curl her into his arms.

Salty tears poured onto his shirt, leaving a wet stain over his collar.

"Shhh, Rose. It's alright." Edward soothed, rubbing comforting circles into his back. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I'm... I'm sorry Ed-Edward." She stammered. "I would nor-normally get Alice to help… help… me get through this, but she out with Emmett and Jas-Jasper."

"Shhh, you're safe with me, Rose. Now will you please tell me what's wrong?"

"The dream... Edward, it's back."

There was silence from both parties for a short period of time. The only sound was the other one's heavy breathing.

"How long has it been?" Edward finally asked.

Rosalie didn't answer.

"Rose?" Edward pulled her away from his chest so he could look in her eyes. They were very bloodshot.

"Two weeks ago." She murmured quietly.

"Did you tell anyone?"

"No."

"Rose-"

"Play me that song you used to sing to me when I would get the nightmares before?" She cut him off. "It might help me ward off the dreams again."

"You're not thirteen anymore, Rose. Are you sure you haven't out grown it?"

She shook her head no.

Nestling her head onto his shoulder, Rosalie watched as Edward let his fingers dance across the ivory keys as he began to sing.

"No more talk of darkness. Forget these wide eyed fears; I'm here. Nothing can harm you, my words will warm and clam you…"

She took in the lyrics, she felt so much like a scared little teenager again. Her big brother sang sweetly to her, filling her head with thoughts of summertime to take away the awful memories of the dream that she had once swore would be her demise.

As the soft notes swam away, out into the dull lit room, she could vaguely feel Edward begin to carry her up the stairs. Before she could fall back into a deep slumber, Rosalie squeezed his hand and muttered, "You'll always be my angel of music, Edward, no matter how old we get."


	32. Strike

**A/N: This chapter goes out to IsabellaMarieSwam3214. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Across The Universe**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Strike**

"This is you idea of a night out?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

"Seriously, Emmett… Bowling?"

"Well at least I didn't make us drive over ten thousand miles to see a stupid ballet!"

"The ballet was beautiful!"

"Alice! The last thing I wanted to see was a bunch of scrawny men in tights! I would have watched Robin Hood if I was interested in that sort of thing!"

"Oh yes, because bowling is so much better." Alice rolled her eyes.

Not only had Emmett decided to take everyone bowling, but it was disco bowling: The worst kind. Neon lights were casting shadows over the lanes and cheesy music from the sixties and seventies were blaring out of the speakers. The bowlers danced in between strings and clinked old fashioned glass soda bottles in toasts. It was the biggest cheese fest ever.

"Ahhh!" She whipped her head around at the sound of the scream. Somehow, Jasper had ended up laying on his stomach at the end of a lane, the pins spread out all around him.

While she was trying to figure out how he got down there, she was almost knocked over by Edward and Bella who running down the aisle and jumping over invisible hurdles every few feet.

This was just too much for her.

Taking up a bowling ball, she rolled it in Emmett's direction. Unfortunately, he saw it coming and jumped. Too bad bowling shoes have no grip what so ever. When he landed, he fell backwards with a shriek.

"Strike!" Alice cried, clapping her hands gleefully.

Serves her brother right for taking them bowling. Seriously, those ugly shoes go with absolutely nothing.


	33. Hand Utensils

**A/N: This chapter goes out to EvanescentRomance and IsabellaMarieCullen3214. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Edward Scissorhands**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Hand Utensils**

"What are you watching?"

Alice glanced away from the television for a moment to see Edward sit down beside her on the couch.

"Edward Scissorhands." She replied before turning her attention back to the mouthwatering character portrayed by Johnny Depp.

"I don't have scissors for hands." Edward said, confused, looking down at his hands. "I have normal hands."

Alice promptly ignored him.

"I don't even have any other form of utensil for hands. I have fingers. Why would I have scissors as an appendage?" Edward rambled, turning his hands over and over for inspection.

Alice didn't say a word.

"It's completely illogical! My last name is Cullen! Cullen, I tell you!" Edward screamed, throwing his hands up in front of his sister's face.

Without a word, Alice tossed the DVD case at her brother and turned the television's volume up full blast.

Edward covered his ears until he made sure that his sister turned it down from an ear splitting volume. When he was sure that his ears were safe, he picked up the DVD case and read the back, before flipping it over to look at the cover.

"Oh!" He exclaimed when he saw a picture of a man with scraggly black hair, morbid clothing, and scissors for hands. "That's his name!"

"Shut up!" Alice shrieked. "I'm trying to watch my movie."

Edward threw the case to the floor and crossed his arms, pouting. "I could totally carve an ice sculpture with my bare hands. Blades or not."


	34. Geek Gets The Girl

**A/N: This chapter goes out to JasperIsMyEverything. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Poll: Voting is still open. Go and vote!**

**Chapter Based Off: Wild Hogs**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Geek Gets The Girl**

"What is that?" Rosalie asked, scrunching up her nose at Jasper's arm.

"My new tattoo." He replied smiling.

"You got a tattoo?" Emmett chimed in.

"Yep."

"Of what?"

"Let me show you." Jasper said, proceeding to roll up the sleeve of his t-shirt.

"Is that an apple?" Rosalie questioned, staring at the fresh ink with disdain.

"It's not only an apple, Rose, it's a rainbow colored apple!" Emmett exclaimed, his gaze locked on the rainbow of ink embedded into his brother's skin.

"Cool, right?" Jasper smiled, letting his sleeve slip back down. "I thought that it was fitting since I'm top of our year in computer technology."

Snickering, Emmett said, "You know you're a geek, right?"

"Perhaps he is," Alice said, appearing at the blonde's side, taken his hand in her tiny one.. "But in this case, the geek get's the girl."


	35. The Biology Club

**A/N: This chapter goes out to Ms. Topaz. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: The Breakfast Club**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**The Biology Club**

"It is exactly three twenty one. You all have one hour to ponder the consequences of your actions. Seriously, people, hiding all of the frogs on the eve of dissection day is not funny." Mr. Banner said, glaring at his entire biology class, who were sighing loudly.

"I'll be back to let you out at the end of your detention time." He continued loudly, struggling to be heard over the ignorant chattering. "Nobody is to leave this room, nobody is to talk, and absolutely no escape attempts will be made, got that?"

There was a short muttering of approval.

"No, any questions?"

"I have one." Tyler Crowley said, kicking his feet up onto his desk. "Does Barry Manalo know that you raided his wardrobe?"

"Mr. Crowley, that is completely inapp-"

"Mr. Banner, do you always let students attempt to burn there tongue to the third degree?" Lauren Mallory piped up, staring in distain at Eric who was trying to light a match with his teeth.

"What? No I don't promote such behavior! Yorkie! Take that thing out of your mouth!

"Mr. Banner? I think Bella should have to take her headphones out during detention!" Jessica exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Bella, who was currently nodding her head along to a loudly playing "_We Are Not Alone_".

"Miss Swan, I'm going to have to ask you to take those out."

Knowing that Bella couldn't hear him, Edward pulled the buds out of her ears and whispered to her that she needed to turn the iPod off.

"Mr. Banner, is this really necessary-"

_Crash!_

"Oof!"

In a pile of plaster, sprawled in between the rows of desks, was Mike Newton. A broken ceiling tile lay a hundreds of pieces around him.

"What did I say about no escape attempts?" Mr. Banner said, staring at his student from where he had paused at the door.

"I knew I should have thought of a more tactful way to get out than ask to go to the washroom." Mike muttered, brushing off his shirt.

"Newton, you were already out before detention was called to order. Why were you in the ceiling?" Edward asked, clearly baffled by this deranged blonde.

Mike stared at Edward for a minute before yelling "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" and pounding his hands against the floor.

Suddenly, another tile fell from the ceiling and landed on his head, causing the class to break out into laughter.

"Well," Mr. Banner mused as he snuck out of the classroom, unnoticed. "He's obviously not the brightest crayon in the box."


	36. Splash

**A/N: This chapter goes out to EdwardCullenMania.Also, this is an early b-day present to myself. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Poseidn**

**Disclaimer: I do nto own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Splash**

_Splash!_

"Ahhh! We're filling up with water! My love, we have to escape!"

_Splash!_

"We're flipping over again! Quick! To the piping!"

_Splash!_

"Ahhh! Hold on!"

"What on Carlisle's name are you doing?"

Emmett looked up from where he was kneeling next to the bathtub to see Alice standing above him, arms crossed, with an amused expression on her face.

"Nothing?" He said, obviously trying to get her out of the bathroom so he could continue with his game.

"Why do you have a plastic boat in your hand?" The pixie like girl asked innocently.

"Umm…"

"And why is there water all over the floor? My socks are getting wet!" She squealed.

"Well, you see-"

"Emmett!" Jasper's voice echoed throughout the house. "If it was you who took my miniature model of _Poseidon_, I'm going to throttle your first edition volume number fifty six of The Amazing Spiderman!"

"No! Not my comics!" Emmett shrieked, splashing water out onto the floor as he bolted out the door.

Alice, making sure that he was well out of sight, kneeled down in his place, and grabbed a hold of the boat.

_Splash!_

"Oh no! Nothing is fair about who lives and who dies." Alice recited, flipping the tiny ship over. "We're going to be alright."


	37. Hit Me

**A/N: Long time no update. I know. This chapter is dedicated to HarryEdwardGirl93. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based On: 21- Bringing Down The House**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Hit Me**

"Hit me." Edward smirked, staring at the cards laid out in front of him.

"Winner winner chicken dinner!" Alice cried as she turned up the king of spades, making twenty one when combined with her brother's ace of hearts.

"Not again!" Rosalie groaned.

"This is ridiculous!" Jasper cried.

"Lucky bas-" Emmett began, only to be cut off by Esme.

"Language!"

"Basket-case." Emmett finished lamely.

"How is it that he always wins?" Rosalie sighed, staring unbelievingly at Edward as he gathered up the chocolate loonies on the table.

"Perhaps he's just lucky?" Esme vouched for her son.

"Nuh-uh. Not possible. He's won every single hand that Alice dealt." Emmett retorted.

"No way, Mom. He's counting." Jasper accused.

"I am not!" Edward exclaimed.

"Jasper! Don't say that Edward is a cheater!" Esme continued.

"Technically, counting isn't cheating. It's entirely legal." Carlisle piped up.

Everyone turned there head to Carlisle, who was lounging on the couch, watching them all with an amused smirk. He really enjoyed it when his kids got so involved in healthy competition.

"Shut up!" Everyone but Edward and Esme screamed.

"Thanks, Dad!" Edward piped up.

"Leave it to Edward to suck up to the put boss." Alice muttered before dealing another round.


	38. He's The Man

**A/N: Recently my account has been frozen because someone reported my fic "Recast" to the administration. It was taken down and I wasn't allowed to post anything at all. Hopefully this goes up alright.**

**Chapter Based Off: Wanted**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**He's The Man**

"Hey, see that girl down the popcorn aisle?" Emmett said, nudging Jasper's arm.

"Yeah? So?" Jasper replied, staring at the preppy blonde with disdain.

"She's giving you the eye."

"The what?"

"The eye."

"I don't speak pervert."

"Dude! She's winking at you and licking your lips! What more of a sign do you need?" Emmett nearly screeched, flailing his arms around.

"I've already got a girl." Jasper shrugged, turning and making his way towards produce.

Emmett stared after him before shaking himself out of his trance.

"He's the man." He muttered grumpily under his breath.

* * *

"Mr. Hale, please tell us which civil war general had he longest name?" Mr. Smith rattled off, staring inquisitively at his star student.

"That would be General Alexander Schimmelfennig, sir." Jasper replied without looking up from his note-taking.

"Excellent." Mr. Smith regaled, clapping his hands briefly. After all, how many student paid attention to the basics of American History let alone the specifics?

Emmett watched as his bother continued writing, acting as though he hadn't even been asked one of the toughest questions of the course so far.

"He's the man." Emmett mumbled before resuming writing down the battle strategies of the confederates.

* * *

"What would you kids like for dinner? I'm thinking about making meatloaf."

All of the Cullen and Hale children looked at Esme in horror. That is, all but one.

"Esme, why don't we just order Chinese? Carlisle's working late, and rice and mushu pork would be so much easier to heat up for him when he gets back. Besides, it's Saturday. You should have at least one day off from cooking a week." Jasper said, taking command of the situation.

Esme's face softened and she smiled.

"Jasper, I think you're right. I could use a night off. And we all know how much Carlisle loves his egg rolls." She giggled. "Edward, get the take out menus. Alice, you make the call. Rosalie, you'll be on pick up duty. Emmett, Jasper, you'll stay her and help me set the table."

Everyone rushed off to do their jobs.

Emmett stood in the middle of the kitchen and grinned at Jasper.

"He's the man." He whispered under his breath.

* * *

"Hey baby, why don't you let me take you to a movie tonight? My treat."

"Um, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Come on, it'll be lots of fun." Mike grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, keeping his hands on either side of Alice's head against the locker. She escaped him one too many times. Today he'd get what he wanted.

"Mike, I have a boyfriend."

"Who? Your brother?"

"He's not my brother. You know we're both adopted." Alice continued, hoping that if she kept him distracted, she could edge under his arm and escape.

"Whatever. You're coming out with me, whether you like it or no-"

_Smash!_

"Ah!" Mike cried as he was thrown into the lockers on the other side of a hallway. By now a crowd had gathered. The group of students stared on in amusement as Jasper grabbed Alice by the waist and pulled her into him for a searing kiss, right in the middle of the hallway. She pulled back at first, stunned, but then relaxed and continued on with their little public display of affection.

From the front row of the crowd, Emmett smirked and called out "He's the man!" causing a bunch of students to whoop and cheer along with him.

Yes, in Emmett's mind, his brother would always be the man.


	39. Today For You

**A/N: This chapter goes out to IsabellaMarieCullen3214, Gema227, Skiiller, and Edward's Cantante. read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Rent**

**Challenge: Who can tell me who each Cullen/Hale is supposed to be?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Today For You**

"Oh my Carlisle…"

"What is it, Bella?"

"Is that Rosalie?"

Edward followed her gaze to the entrance to the cafeteria, only to see Rosalie leaning against the doorframe dressed in a pleather cat suit, a bag of chips in her hand.

"What in the world is she doing?" Edward muttered, wondering vaguely if his sister had forgotten that it wasn't Halloween for another couple of months and that her outfit was probably breaking the school's dress code.

"I'm not sure," Bella replied, "But here comes Alice!" She pointed at the tiny girl pushing her way past Rosalie, wearing a pair of un-Alice-like ice blue leggings with a cheetah print baby tee.

"This is ridiculous." Edward scoffed, staring at his other sister in disdain. "What do they think this is? Wear-a-stupid-costume-to-school day?"

Before Bella could say anything, the guitar riff of "Musetta's Waltz" flooded the room. Turning to see where the noise was coming from, she saw Jasper sitting on top of one of the tables, dressed like he was a worn out, mediocre biker dude, playing the guitar. He would stop every few seconds and tune the strings.

"That's it! I'm not letting this go any further. I refuse to see what Emmett will do, if he's even involved in this stupid scheme. Let's go." Edward grabbed Bella by the arm and drug her over to where Jasper was.

"Come on," Edward ground out, forcing the guitar out of his hand.

"What in the-"

"Shut up, Jasper."

"Whatever." Jasper groaned, following Edward and Bella as they went over to Alice.

"Hey Eddie! Guess what?" The little pixie bounced up and down excitedly.

"You got dressed in the dark this morning?" Edward quipped.

"I have aids!" She smiled.

"What?" Bella and Jasper shrieked.

_Chomp!_

Edward glared at Rosalie who was chewing loudly right next to his ear.

"Chips, anyone?" She asked before popping another handful into her mouth.

"No! What the hell has gotten into you?" Edward screamed.

"And why does Alice have aids?" Bella added.

"I don't really have aids, Bella." She giggled.

"Good to know." Jasper sighed in content.

"I'm only pretending. It is HIV awareness week." She continued on merrily. "We were told in home room to support it somehow, remember?"

"So this," Edward gestured to his siblings' clothing, "Is your way of showing support?"

They all nodded in unison.

"Actual reality, act out, fight aids!" Rosalie cheered in-between chewing.

"It' just like they always say," Emmett's voice said. Edward felt his brother's arm around him, and turned to see Emmett at his side in a Mrs. Clause suit with a black bob wig, and zebra print tights. As if today couldn't get any weirder…

"Today for you…" Emmett continued.

"Tomorrow for me!" Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper chorused.

Bella and Edward just blinked.


	40. Surfing Forks WA

**A/N: This chapter goes out to EdwardCullenManiac. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Princess Diaries 2**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Surfing Forks W.A.**

"Whoo-hoo!"

"Ahhhh!"

_Crash!_

"Ouch! Alice!"

"Sorry Rose! I didn't see you there…"

"What on earth were you doing?" Rosalie asked, struggling to get up from under the mattress that had landed on top of her.

"Stair surfing." Alice replied, as if her sister should have known better than to ask.

"Stair surfing?" Rosalie said, glaring at Alice. "What on Carlisle's name is stair surfing? And why was I attacked by a mattress?"

Rolling her eyes, Alice explained "Stair surfing is where you stand on a mattress at the top of the stairs, push off, and try to stay standing all of the way down. If you fall, the mattress will keep you safe."

"Does Esme and Carlisle know what you're doing?" Rosalie raised her eyebrows.

"Um…" Alice said, her eyes growing scared.

"I'll make you a deal." Rosalie proposed. "I won't tell mom and dad if you let me have the next go."

"Deal."


	41. Deflated

**A/N: This chapter goes out to everyone who is sticking with me and reviewing. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Charlie's Angels**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Deflated**

It was just too perfect. The rise, the texture, it all turned out as she planned. The kids were out, Carlisle was at work, and she had the house to herself. Nice and quiet.

Esme smiled as she admired her masterpiece. Lightly, she turned on her heal and began to tip-toe out of the kitchen. She didn't get past the fridge when…

_Slam!_

"That was so much fun!"

"We totally have to do that more often."

"Seriously, horse races, roller coasters and popcorn are a good combination.

"Don't forget the horror movie!"

"Or the hypnotist!"

_Whoosh!_

Esme closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning around. There, in it's dish on the counter, her perfect soufflé was deflated.

Gripping her hands into fists, she looked out the kitchen door to see her kids making their way noisily upstairs, laughing merrily and throwing their arms around animatedly.

Her eyes narrowing into slits, Esme growled, "Someone is going to pay for ruining my soufflé."


	42. Contempop

**A/N: This chapter goes out to ohxmyxria. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based (very loosely) Off: Step Up**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Contempop**

"Next up, Jessica and Mike!" Mrs. Palmer called out, checking off their names on her checklist. "Now, what will you to be doing for the talent show next week?"

"We'll be dancing." Mike replied.

"Oh? To what style?" Mrs. Palmer asked, clearly intrigued.

"Contemporary," Jessica said at the same time Mike said "Hip-hop."

Jessica glared at her partner.

"You said I could pick the dance!" She exclaimed. "I want to do contemporary!"

"No I didn't! And we're doing hip-hop!" Mike retorted.

"Contemporary!" Jessica cried.

"Hip-hop!" Mike screamed.

"Contemporary!"

"Hip-hop!"

"Contemporary!"

"Hip-hop!"

"Contemporary!"

"Hip-hop!"

Mrs. Palmer just watched their banter in amusement. The result would be interesting to say the least.

"Contemporary!"

"Hip-hop!"

"Contemporary!"

"Hip-hop!"

"I'm not doing hip-hop! That includes being on the floor! I'll get my pants dirty!" Jessica shrieked.

"Well, I'm not doing contemporary! It's exactly like ballet!" Mike screamed.

"It is not! I'm so much better than some prissy ballerina!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Why don't you just do contempop?"

Jessica and Mike stopped yelling and turned their steely gazes on Eric Yorkie.

"What?" Mike spat.

"Contempop." Eric explained. "It's a combination of contemporary and hip-hop."

"Uh-huh…" Jessica mumbled, looking at the boy like he had two heads.

_Stupid kid thinks he's a genius just because he can play the tuba… _Mike thought as he glared at the aforementioned instrument that Eric was planning on playing in the talent show.

"Stanley, Newton, go and get your act together and report back here in an hour to show me what you've got. If you don't come to a compromise, you will not be allowed to participate in the talent show." Mrs. Palmer commanded as she nodded towards Lauren Mallory who promptly began hooking up her portable karaoke machine.

_One hour later…_

"Jessica, Mike, back again, I see." Mrs. Palmer said as a way of greeting. "So, what have you got for me?"

Jessica and Mike took the stage. He nodded at Ben Cheney, who was working the sound for the evening, who pressed play on the cd player.

A hard jazz noise came out as the pair began popping and locking all over the stage in perfect time, before jumping into a pirouette and a few pleats and random rolling, before going back to the harder hitting moves. When the music finished, the entire auditorium was cheering.

"My word! Dears, that was amazing! What do you call it?" Mrs. Palmer smiled, clapping her hands.

Mike and Jessica smirked at each other before chorusing "Contempop."


	43. Just Joking

**A/N: This chapter is in honor of the world wide premiere of The Dark Knight tonight. Also, this goes out to HarryEdwardGirl93. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: The Dark Knight Trailer (Batman)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Just Joking**

_Clap!_

_Kaboom!_

_Clap!_

_Smash!_

_Clap!_

_Crash!_

"Will you just stop it already! You've already broken about six vases this morning!"

Emmett looked up, his hands about an in apart, and frowned at his brother.

"I have not." He spat, angry at the false insinuation.

"You're right, it was more like twelve."

Emmett scowled and clapped his hands together, causing a nearby glass to shatter into hundreds of tiny pieces.

Noticing the look on his brother's face, Emmett taunted, "Why so serious, Edward? Let's put a smile on that face."

_Clap!_

_Shatter!_

"Emmett, just because you can clap your hands loud enough to break glass with the decibel levels, doesn't mean you have to destroy the whole house!" Edward exclaimed, glaring deeply at his brother.

"Well, what are you going to do about it?" Emmett cried, smirking when he noticed Edward's hands balling up into fists. "Go on, hit me!"

"I'll do something better," Edward grinned before yelling out "Esme!"

Emmet looked horrorstruck.

"Just because you saw it on television doesn't mean you need to try it at home." Edward taunted.

"But the Joker is my hero!" Emmett protested.

"Don't you mean villain?"

"I swear if you call him a villain you'll regr-"

"Carlisle!" Edward called before rushing out of the room.

"I was just joking!" Emmett pleaded, only to be met with the clicking of Esme's heels on the stairs.

"Eek!" He shrieked as he catapulted over the couch into hiding. Unfortunately, in the process, Emmett clapped his hands.

_Clatter!_

"My mother's urn!" Esme cried as she watched it explode in front of her, the ashes floating silently down to the carpet.

Emmett just shut his eyes tightly and convinced himself that it was all a dream.


	44. Dot Dot Dot

**VERY IMPORTANT A/N: This is for SS. Warning: Mention Breaking Dawn and you'll get a visit from the Volturi. I'm not finished, so please don't spoil it for me. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Dot Dot Dot**

"Are you serious?" Rosalie asked.

"Yes!" Alice squealed.

"So you saw…" Rose gasped when Alice nodded an answer to her unfinished question.

"Dot dot dot!" Alice cried, jumping up and down, clapping with joy.

"Dot dot dot?"

"You know."

"No, actually, I don't." Rose conceded, clearly confused.

"Dot dot dot was what they did back in the olden days." Alice explained.

"Oh!" Rosalie gasped, her frown turning into a disgusted sneer. "Alice! That's my brother and my soon-to-be sister you just saw! Don't tell me stuff like that!"

Alice just giggled as she watched Rosalie turn a thousand shades of pale.


	45. I Want My Mummy

**Very Important A/N: Ignore the first posted copy. It wasn't segmented. For this chapter only, I revoke the all human thing. This chapter was just too good to pass up. Split into segments, each one is based off of a line exchange from one of the 3 Mummy movies (Scorpion King not inscluded). No BD spoilers please. This is also going to be posted as a seperate fic. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Last Chapter Based Off: Mamma Mia**

**This Chapter Based Off: The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Mummy Curse Of The Dragon Emperor**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**I Want My Mummy**

"Edward?"

"Yes, Rose?"

"You seem to have good judgment when it comes to our diet. Should I heat my blood up?" She asked, eyeing her packet of elk blood with interest.

"No. Freeze it." Edward replied.

"But-"

"Just do it. Trust me." Edward said calmly.

Rosalie did so, then puncture a hole and took a sip, only to spit it on the floor. When she was finished sputtering blood, she glared openly at Edward.

"You lied to me." She accused.

"I lie to everybody." Edward admitted, then added "What makes you so special?"

"I'm your sister." Rosalie seethed.

"Yes, well that just makes you more gullible." Edward shrugged.

Rosalie looked as if she were about to rip him to shreds.

* * *

_Hey, Black! It looks to me like I'm the one with more members in his pack! _Sam taunted Jacob in his mind.

_Hey, Uley!_ Jacob thought back. _It looks to me like you're wrong side of the borderline for the battle against the leeches!_

Sam visibly sagged as Jacob grinned a toothy grin.

* * *

"Hey Jake? You got any bright ideas?" Bella gulped, staring at the pack of wolves encircling them, flashing teeth and claws.

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking…" Jacob replied, gulping. He truthfully had no idea how much damage Paul and Embry would do to them for all but ditching them while he and Bella hung out together for a week straight.

"You better think of something fast, because if you don't save me form this, I'll get Edward to turn me into a vampire and you're the first one I'm coming after once I'm fully transformed.

Jacob gulped louder.

* * *

Bella stared, teary eyed into Edward's beaming face.

"I've dreamed about this since I was a little girl." She whispered to him as the Elvis impersonator began reading their vows.

Edward blinked, stunned.

"You dream about dead guys?" He asked in confusion.

Poking his chest, she replied "Only _this_ dead guy."

Edward grinned in happiness.

* * *

"The map! The map! We forgot the map!" Bella cried our in agony, staring around the darkened streets of Port Angeles.

"Don't worry. It's all up here." Mike tapped her head, looking just as confused as Bella. "We'll be back to the car in no time.

"Oh, that's comforting!" Bella cried out into the darkness. Perhaps someone would hear her and she could catch a ride home with some stranger. After all, anything was better than being trapped over an hour away from Forks with only Mike Newton as her company.

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Emmett stared, bored, out the window as Rosalie drove to the airport in Seattle.

"No." Jasper replied, sitting next to him in the back seat.

"Are we there yet?" Emmett asked again, beginning to thrum his fingers along to the song on the radio.

"No." Jasper snarled, annoyed at that tiny tapping on the leather of the seats.

"Are we there yet?" Emmett continued, his fingers going faster now.

"No." Jasper ground out.

"Are we-"

_Slice!_

Jasper's hands were dug into the leather between Emmett's fingers. His breathing was ragged.

"Whoa! That was amazing! Perfect aim!" Emmett trilled.

Jasper raised a perfect eyebrow and set his face into a composed mask, not allowing his smile to show through. "What do you mean? I missed."

Alice and Rosalie laughed so hard that Rosalie actually swerved an inch from the center line.

* * *

"Where is Bella?"

"I don't know!"

"Where is she, dog?"

"I swear! I dunno!"

Edward glowered hard at Jacob, his lips pulled back over his teeth. "Where is-"

"She's cliff diving with Seth!" Jacob relented, scared to death of the vampire in front of him.

Edward still advanced.

"I told you! I told you!" Jacob cried.

"And your point is…?" Edward snorted.

"I told you so you wouldn't kill me."

Edward grinned. "When did we make that arrangement?"

* * *

"Emmett, I'm serious. If you've lost my car keys you're so grounded by Esme and Carlisle." Alice growled, tapping her temple.

"I haven't lost them," Emmett retorted, before adding weakly "I just can't find them. There's a difference."

"That's the last time I let you drive the Porsche. Wait! I didn't let you! You just _took_ my keys _without_ permission!" Alice muttered before stalking off to steal the keys to his jeep.

"Hey! That's called stealing, you know!" Emmett chimed, realizing that she was making a beeline for his jeep, keys now in hand.

"Not according to you and my brother, it isn't."

"Edward stole your Porsche?"

"He borrowed Rose's M3."

"Oh." Emmett said.

_Whoosh!_

He watched his Jeep speed down the driveway in horror.

"Alice! Come back!" He cried, helplessly before muttering "Not my jeep! Not my jeep!"

The sound of the engine died off into the distance.

"Oh, I hate sisters."


	46. Sympathy For The Dead

**A/N: This goes out to Eleen, who, just like me, has discovered the awesomeness of this movie. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Jawbreaker**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Sympathy For The Dead**

"I can't believe it! Our best friend is dead!" Angela wailed as Lauren drove away from the scene of the crime: Seattle's movie theatre.

"I just can't believe that she croaked on a jawbreaker! That is so cool!" Jessica trilled from the passenger's seat. "I mean, honestly, I always thought that it would be one of those disgusting popcorn kernels that killed people during comedies. Not jawbreakers."

"Jessica!" Angela reprimanded. "Have some compassion! Bella is dead and you're making jokes about it!"

There was a moment of remorseful silence before Jessica gasped loudly, causing Lauren to swerve.

"What? What is it? Are you trying to put me off the road?" Lauren shrieked, regaining control of the car.

"Our best friend is dead. Do you know what this means?" Lauren and Angela were silent.

"Spit it out, Stanley!" Lauren ground out.

"You're a shoe in for prom queen!"

Lauren just rolled her eyes and replied "As if I wasn't already."


	47. Weight Watchers

**A/N: This is for my own personal fun. I couldn't help but put L & J in this situation. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: The Devil Wears Prada**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Weight Watchers**

"Jessica, my god! You look so chic!" Lauren exclaimed, staring at Jessica in her canary yellow prom dress. Of course, it was only a copy of a Chanel picked up at the nearest Sears Outlet, but really, who cared?

"Ph, thanks." Jessica replied, beaming. "You look so thin," She added, admiring Lauren's stick thin body in her pink bubble dress. Of course, she was only trying to imitate the Nicole Richie anorexic look, but really, who cared?

"Really?" Lauren trilled. "It's for Tyler." She explained, waving her hands around animatedly. "I'm on this new diet."

"Oh? How does it work?" Jessica questioned with interest in her eyes.

"Well, I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint, I eat a cube of cheese."

"Oh…" Jessica took another look at Lauren's thin frame, as if deciding if it was worth it to go without cookies and deep fried food for about a month.

"I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight!" Lauren exclaimed, giddily.

Jessica just swallowed the bile that made its way up into her throat.


	48. For The Love of Comedy

**A/N: This is another line exchange chapter. Broke down into five parts, each based on one of my favorite line exchanges from the movie "Casanova". Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Casanova**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**For The Love Of Comedy**

"You have sullied my glove! I, uh, I mean my love!"

Edward just stared at the black knit glove that was lying in the snow at his feet. "I'm sorry," He said to a very disgruntled Mike before throwing a glance at Emmett, who was only a few feet to the left. "What did he just call us?"

"We didn't sully it," Emmett protested, staring at Mike. "It just came out of nowhere. And who uses the word 'sully'?"

"You _sullied_ my love!" Mike spat at Edward. "Bella Swan is my girlfriend! What right do you have to take her on a date?"

"Ah. Well, she never mentioned that." Edward explained, thinking back to his lovely sort-of-date with Bella last night in Port Angeles after she nearly got 'sullied' by four drunk men.

"Of course she didn't. I haven't asked her out yet." Mike mumbled.

Edward was looking at him like he had two heads. Emmett was laughing so hard that the snow he was munching on came out of his nose.

* * *

"Hey, Lauren? Have you heard?" Jessica bubbled.

"Heard what? That Tyler is going to ask me out tonight?" Lauren grinned.

"No! But he is? Well, that's great." Jessica exclaimed. "But you know the new girl? Bella Swan?"

Lauren nodded.

"Well, I heard that she has a secret lover."

Lauren wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"She has a secret lover? The ugly duckling? Who?"

"I don't know. It's a secret!" Jessica stated, rolling her eyes at Lauren's stupidity. Lauren rolled her right back.

* * *

"Yes! A pop quiz!" Jasper pumped his fist in the air.

"You like pop quizzes?" Eric Yorkie asked from the next desk over.

"Does the Pope have a balcony?" Jasper replied, eagerly getting out a spare pencil.

"I don't know…" Eric trailed off before turning to Angela Webber who was sitting one desk behind him.

"Does the Pope have a balcony?"

Angela just blinked.

* * *

"Wow. You Cullens sure are packrats, aren't you?" Bella stated, wondering around the huge attic, weaving her way in and out of trunks and boxes.

"Yeah. And we're sort of ironic too." Emmett said, appearing from behind a mannequin dressed in an old fashioned tuxedo. "You see that trunk that is sort of shaped like a salami?"

Bella glanced around, trying to locate the right one.

"Yes…" She replied, finding it between an ornate mirror and a box of sneakers.

"Well, it's filled with salami."

Bella just looked confused.

"You'll have to forgive Emmett." Rosalie piped up from her place by the coat rack. "He often confuses irony with simplicity."

"More like stupidity." Jasper added.

Emmett just glared.

* * *

For the past half an hour, Esme was roaming through the front room of the Cullen mansion, desperately seeking out Carlisle. On any other night, it would have been simple. But tonight was Alice's birthday and her party this year was themed 'Masquerade'. Over one hundred of her daughter's closest friends and their parents were roaming around, dressed in seventeenth century garb and a colorful array of masks.

"Have you seen my husband?" She asked a figure in the mask of a raven.

"And you are…?" A very young voice trailed off.

Sighing, she moved on to someone in the mask of a devil.

"Have you seen my husband?" She questioned, trying to figure out who was behind the mask.

"No mom, not since breakfast." Emmett replied, chuckling. She watched as he snuck up behind a female in a harlequin mask and kiss her knuckles.

_Rosalie. _She thought as she scuttled through the crowd.

"Have you seen my husband?" She asked a porcelain beaked mask.

"I am your husband," The figure replied before removing his mask. There, in front of her, Carlisle was grinning widely.

"Oh, darling." Esme gushed, removing her mask as well.

"What do you say we get out of the kids' way? Venture upstairs for some privacy, perhaps?" He suggested, his eyes smoldering.

"Mom! Dad! Not in front of the guests!" A short person in the mask of a sparkly pink flamingo hissed as they went to cross the room.

Carlisle glanced over his shoulder, making sure she was gone, before placing his mask back on his face and offering his wife his hand.

"Shall we?"

Esme just giggled as she, too, put her mask back on.

Taking her husbands hand, they slunk away from the party for some well deserved alone time.

From a few feet away from where the couple was previously standing, a girl in a swan mask, and a boy in the mask of a lion, smiled at the vacant spot on the dance floor.

"You think they know that we saw their great escape?" Edward smirked as he spun Bella around the dance floor.

"No," She replied, "But they deserve it."

"Carlisle! Oh!"

Everyone froze as the scream made it's way over the music.

Alice stood in the middle of the melee, horrified.

"At least they went upstairs." Emmett said, breaking the silence.

There was a brief ripple of agreement that ran through the crowd, before people, slowly, began to rejoin the merriment.


	49. Spork

**A/N: This is the second last chapter. I know, tear. Well, this goes out to StormySnape. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: The Matrix**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**Spork**

"How long has he been doing that?" Jasper asked Rosalie, glancing warily at his brother.

Glancing at her watch, Rosalie replied "Only about four hours…"

"Four hours?!" Jasper cried, completely stunned that Emmett could do something for more than ten minutes without getting bored.

"And that isn't even his record." Rosalie stated, staring at her boyfriend who was currently holding a spoon very tightly in his grip, his eyes tiny brown beads on the place where the neck meets the scoop.

"What is he trying to do? Make his reflection appear right-side-up?" Jasper wondered aloud.

"I'm trying to bend this spoon with my mind." Emmett ground out, "But your mindless jabbering is breaking my concentration!"

"Well, you wouldn't need to concentrate so hard if you didn't try to bend the spoon with your mind!" Jasper shrieked at the sheer incompetence that was his brother. "Why not use your hands? It's simpler! A toddler could do it! And besides, you should just realize the truth and give up this stupid charade."

"What truth?" Emmett asked, looking away from the utensil in his hand.

"There is no spoon." Jasper stated.

Emmett just looked confused.

"There is no spoon?"

Jasper nodded in confirmation.

"Hey, Rose, I think Jasper has finally gone blind." He turned his head, to look over his shoulder at Rosalie, who was now ignoring them and looking at pictures on the mantle piece. "I told you that we should have drug him along to the optometrist when Edward took us last week. He clearly needs glas-"

When he looked back, there was no spoon.

"What… but when… where…?" He stuttered, looking around for the shiny silver object.

"Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends," Jasper grinned, now holding the bent spoon, "It is only yourself."

"Hey! Cool!" Emmett exclaimed, reaching into his shirt pocket as if searching for something. "Can you do that with a spork as well?"

Jasper just sighed, took the proffered spork, and bend it with his hands before walking out of the room. He thought he heard the word 'cheater' mixed in with a stream of profanities, but he chose to ignore it.


	50. They Know

**A/N: This is the final chapter of this fic. I'm going to try to get a short Halloween series up again for this year, but I'm going to need some ideas from you guys. Also, I'm going to need to start it in September if I want to get it done in time. My time is constricted now that I'm in college. So, for now, I bid you adiu. Read and review? Enjoy!**

**Chapter Based Off: Twilight The Movie (which I refuse to see)**

**dISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.**

* * *

**They Know**

"This is ludicrous! I don't look anything like that!" Edward exclaimed, pointing to the very drunk looking actor on the screen, who was currently driving a silver Volvo down a long, deserted road at an alarming speed.

"You don't drive a hatchback, either," Alice pointed out. "But look at _her_! I mean, _me_! I don't have brown hair! And it's not longish!"

"Yeah! And since when are you as tall as me?" Jasper cried, glaringly at the not-very-pixie-like girl who had her arm slung around a blonde boy who was playing guitar. "But I look kind of hot."

"At least _someone_ does." Rosalie grumbled. "I'm supposed to be unearthly beautiful. That girl looks like she just came out of the back streets of Brooklyn."

"Where did my curls go?" Emmett shrieked, grabbing big fistfuls of black curls in his hands.

"Probably the same place my blow dryer went." Carlisle put in. "Seriously, hair gel is so fifties."

"Well, I look alright, I guess." Bella stated, staring intrigued at the mousy girl "But I think she's slightly prettier than me."

"Well, I don't see anything wrong with me." Esme said, analyzing the beautiful brunette. "Actually, I think she's quite good. Aside from the fact that her children can fly over the tree tops. "

"Edward!"

"What?! Emmett, you didn't have to yell in my ear, you know!" Edward growled back.

"But you killed Bambi!"

Everyone groaned, although Jasper snapped out of it first.

"Guys, you realize what this mean, right?" He said, gesturing towards the DVD player.

No one responded.

"They know about us!"

There was a stunned silence for a moment, before everyone chorused "NOOOOOOO!"


End file.
